WHY YOUR FAMILY SHOULD HAVE TRADITIONS?

What do you remember about childhood?
Most likely it’s a family tradition: a holiday gathering, a special birthday, or a festive meal.

Webster defines tradition as “the handing down of beliefs, customs, or legends from generation to generation by word of mouth or practices.” But more simply, tradition is the “we always” of family life. “We always have turkey on Thanksgiving.” “We always decorate the tree on Christmas eve.” “We always celebrate Passover at Bubbe’s.”

Are traditions important? You betcha! They are the glue and mortar that hold families together. Traditions connect us to our history, religion, culture, beliefs, and values. They are reminders of who we are, where we’ve come from, and what we are expected to become.

Terri and Jake Thompson have a family tradition of contributing to the less fortunate during the holiday season. The tradition started with Terri’s mother, Sally. As a child, Sally never received gifts at Christmas. Her single mother couldn’t afford it. The bitter memory of those childhood Christmases transformed into a tradition of giving. Every Christmas, Sally and her offspring remember that Sally was born in poverty. Now, they share their blessings so that other children won’t wake up to empty Christmas mornings.

Traditions are living reminders of forgotten ancestors. Most of the Pilgrims are forgotten as individuals. But we imitate our forbearers’ acts of gratitude. And while we still enjoy our Aunt Bessie’s turkey dressing, we may not remember her voice or her smile. Traditions may also connect us to our descendants when we have disappeared in the mists of time. After we are long gone and all but forgotten, a family tradition that we’ve created may delight our great-great-great-grandchildren. Traditions are little pieces of ourselves that live on after we are gone.

Traditions are often accompanied by stories. Heroes and heroines hang out in our traditions. At Passover, Moses leads God’s people out of Egypt and Miriam dances at the Sea of Reeds. At Hanukkah, the Maccabees fight for freedom and a miracle occurs. At Christmas, a king is born in a manger. At Easter, Jesus rises from the dead. On President’s Day and Martin Luther King Day, we retell stories of our great leaders. Our nighttime rituals are accompanied by bedtime stories. Even the traditions of mourning are celebrated with stories about our departed loved ones.

Traditions are enhanced by engaging the senses: the smell of a campfire at the annual family cookout, the bright burst of fireworks on the fourth of July, the buttery sweet taste of birthday cake, the texture of warm challah on Shabbat, and the sound of silver bells at Christmas. Sensual triggers lock traditions into our memories.

Traditions and Rituals are Important for Children
Traditions and rituals provide a sense of continuity in times of stress.

• The bedtime ritual (a warm bath, nighttime prayers, a bedtime story, cuddling with a security blanket, and being tucked into bed) can ease children into sleep.

• Morning rituals (dressing for school, eating breakfast, organizing homework, and a gathering backpack) help children transition from home to school.

• The family meal (setting the table, praying before meals, eating as a family, and discussing daily events) pulls the family together and gives them a place to work out problems.

Traditions help children learn values and beliefs.

• Regular attendance at a church, synagogue, or mosque, recycling to save the environment, or donating toys, clothes, or food teaches about community involvement.

• Observance of r eligious traditions teaches children about the values of love, sacrifice, freedom, commitment, forgiveness, loyalty, and gratitude.

Traditions enhance a child’s sense of self-esteem and belonging.

• Before children have the security to stand as individuals, they must know that they are accepted within a larger group. Kids who don’t feel like they belong sometimes join gangs. Family traditions are perfect ways to give children a sense of belonging.

• Through traditions, children may learn that they belong to an ethnic group of religious believers who came from a certain country, enjoy special foods, celebrate wonderful holidays, and tell exciting stories. Children learn that they are connected to a sacred history and that they belong.

Traditions and rituals can reduce a child’s feeling of vulnerability.

• Halloween traditions allow children to make fun of their fears, dress up as monsters, and pretend to “trick” adults into giving them treats.

• Birthdays allow children to be the special focus of attention for an entire day.

• April Fool’s Day allows children to “make fools” of adults. (Often in daily life, it’s children who feel foolish.)

Create Family Traditions

Traditions are usually passed down from one generation to the next. Some, like the celebration of Passover, are thousands of years old and have changed little over time. Others like the Fourth of July are relatively new customs. Some come from our ethnic or cultural heritage. Others come from our political or religious background. But traditions aren’t stagnant. We can create our own family rituals. When creating new customs, we should remember what works in our best–loved memories. New traditions should create positive feelings or beliefs, repeated at regular intervals. They should involve the senses. Stories accompany most successful traditions. The best traditions build character, self esteem, and a sense of belonging. Choose activities that include every member of the family.

New family traditions may include:

• Establish your own holidays. Celebrate the birthdays of religious or historical people admired by the family. Tell stories of their lives.

• Have an “un-birthday” party to celebrate your child! Hide one gift and give her hints about where to find the surprise. After the treasure hunt, tell her about the many ways she is a treasure in your life.

• Have a winter marshmallow roast and tell scary stories around the fireplace. Then camp out in the living room.

• Sunday evenings are Dad’s night to make breakfast!

• Celebrate your past. Research your family tree. What country did your family come from? Serve native dishes,listen to music from your homeland, learn about the culture of your ancestors, and take your family on a virtual trip to the “old” country.

• Organize a family reunion. Meet the branches of your family tree.

• Once a month, have Saturday night at the movies with popcorn and pajamas. Watch movies that explore family values (Veggie Tales, Fiddler on the Roof).

• Have a winter picnic. Take a thermos of hot chocolate and chili to the city park. Have a picnic and build a snowman.

• On Valentine’s Day, make heart-shaped cookies and give them to elderly neighbors or members of your congregation. Ask them to tell a story about the first love of their lives.

• At Easter, visit the graves of family members and talk about resurrection.

• At Christmas or Hanukkah, give God the gift of a written resolution for family improvement. Read it next year and evaluate your progress.

Traditions strengthen and unify the family. They give us a sense of history, continuity, and belonging. They teach values and beliefs. Traditions connect us with our past and project us toward the future. Rituals promote feelings of safety and security within the family by providing predictable and familiar experiences. With a little time, effort, and creativity, parents can make childhood a time of magical memories and cherished traditions.